Monday, April 11, 2016

Post Spring Break Blahs

The biggest First World problem ever seems to be coming back from a week in Hawaii and complaining about returning to an overcast April day in Southern California.  I saw the ocean today on my morning post office run and whereas it usually makes me happy, today I kind of sneered at it's  dark gray-blue waves and cloudy sky.  I hadn't had my coffee yet and didn't think to wear socks.  I'm much more agreeable now.  Actually, honestly, I'm glad to be back at home and back at work.  Coffee and socks helped.

However, if I'm going to be honest & spill my guts on here, I have to say that I do have some heaviness weighing on me.  Remember how I wrote after the girls had their last call back at OCSA?  Well, after a week of franticly checking our phones for THE E-MAIL all last week (which I refuse to complain about because we were checking it in Hawaii) the word from up high came down.  One girl was accepted to her first choice conservatory and the other.....waitlisted on hers.  I never really thought much about that combination.  I thought about one yes, one no, no across the board, and the holy grail of Yes! Yes! many times, but not the eventuality of one yes and one maybe.  And this has sent the household in mad chaos.  

How do you properly congratulate and beam pride over one child, when her sister is sitting there heartbroken?  And how do you rule out the move and one child's dream, when you could be told in a couple months that it's all still possible?  We can't start looking for houses and yet we can't be totally placated into life as usual.

What we do is hope our asses off, keep saying yes to all schools involved, and just wait -- checking our phones constantly for emails of some news over the next 4 months.  Because by god, if this can work, we'll make it work.  

And yes, while we are super supportive of our daughters artistic dreams, there is this other piece of the puzzle I've yet to lay on the table.  My mom has cancer and as much as my kids want to go to OCSA, I need to go back to Orange County to care for my mom.  Though, we can't just drop our lives here to go there for that reason...she would never allow it.  And we don't have a time frame.  All the pieces need to fit.  

Yes, it sucks.